mary (lilcucci) wrote,
mary
lilcucci

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old school.

and for your lurking pleasure (or to alleviate work boredom)...here are some old blogs from my myspace...how bout the longest lj entry of my entire life

***

Friday, September 30, 2005

XXX nudes girls girls girls
Current mood: happy


haha how's that for a subject line?? yeah, it makes me horny too...but it's just a tease...

have i said how much i loved my job and my friends lately??? i do!!!!!!!! ...so much!!!!!!! <3 tonight i laughed so hard with jason and heather. we took great pics. i really think it was the JOLT gum that i had. once we starting chewing the gum everything seemed even funnier and i couldn't stop laughing. and tomorrow martha finally closes with us again so it'll be fucking awesome. good times. i can believe i look forward to going to work. it's crazy. and i really enjoy everyone i work with. i just laugh so much there and now i know what it feels like to love your job.

tom brought a leather fetish dominatrix type mask with spikes for me to try on today because i told him all about how hot i thought fetish stuff was. it was fucking cool. there's a pic on our work pics page but it's bad quality...

jason, i love you!! you're so much fun.chin chin chicn chin... CHIN...

i got the coolest purse ever when joe and i went power shopping at the mall the other morning. ohh and i must add... i hate breakfast but i'm a typical fatty who's always up for a chocolate muffin... so i went to perkins with joe first and i have to tell you, if you go, you should ask for Mary as your waitress. the one on university and forsyth. she's a fuckin' trip!!!!!!! and she reminds me of a whitetrashier (even less classy) version of myself.

i'm seriously so happy with my life right now. i've finally reached a point where i'm completely confident in everything i say/do/believe and i feel like i've changed so much in the last couple months and weeks even. i used to have to drink to be confident enough to be my complete self but i've reached a point where i don't need to do that anymore and it's awesome. and i don't need to "look cool" and smoke or to give in and do shots...or do any drugs...so i guess i'm sort of straight edge again...even though i'm not a label whore...and i listen to hardcore a lot again like i did a while back...and it's so empowering!! and i will never be anyone's bitch again and i'm back to myself in the sense that i'm the one in control of everything (and not some guy or some alcohol).

hmm what else is new?

on thursday one of my friends went nuts and smashed a beer bottle at matador, getting shards of glass all over my back (and some innocent person's downstairs) and getting himself kicked out. i have no tolerance for drunken, immature violent outbursts, so, needless to say, that kind of put a damper on things. the rest of the night was a caffeine/sugar enhanced trip though.

i went downtown with kirk and his friend saturday and on our way home some chick passed out on the sidewalk next to my car so we got out, put her in my car, and took her to kirk's couch... stupid drunk. good thing we're such wonderful, kind hearted people. (haha don't worry...had they not been with me i probably just would've laughed at the dumb cunt and driven by)

i'm going to start making shirts again i decided... because i remember how good i was at it. tomorrow i need to buy more materials. fabric store!!!!!! you love that story. i have this great orlando one planned first.

i wanna go to st. mark's place again because i love those cool shops. ahhh new york is so amazing. being there always makes me so happy. soo, who wants to take me? or you can take me to san fran again cuz i really miss it. one day... but for now i think i'll go work on my girly/classy/acoustic cover of WASP's "animal" (aka fuck like a beast)! fuck yeah. too bad i suck at singing even more than i suck at guitar haha.


********

I went to Atlanta once on a sudden road trip, leaving Orlando at midnight and we had no plan except to stop at an AFI show... we ended up at the Coke museum and wandering the streets for a couple days... One time my craind and I walked the entire Englewood Beach and back during a lightning storm. When I lived with my craind I used to laugh so hard that I'd frequently end up peeing my pants. I used to go to St. Pete every weekend during high school to get drunk and pass out at punk shows, and I'd go 110 mph the whole ride there. (stupid yet thrilling)

Once I wore a thong sideways all day without noticing.

One night on another random road trip, I suddenly decided I wanted a trihawk, let my friend shave my head, and had hair that was a foot tall for many months. And I used to wear my trihawk with fishnets and boots one day then with a GAP dress/preppy outfit the next.

I used to enjoy watching my pet fish eat eachother because it entertained me. I made out with a 35 year old hair metal guy at a bar once just because he had cool hair and I thought it'd make for a funny story. I used to drive through the Hasidic Jewish community in Lakewood, NJ with my cousin and take photos of the people in their funny little costumes. Speaking of costumes, I was a KKK member a couple Halloweens ago (and no I am not a racist...it was called a joke!)

I stood outside during one of the hurricanes last year with my peeps while we drank beers and watched trees fall.


One time a traveling zoo came to a parking lot in Venice and I got a photo of me with a lion on my lap. One time I got a straight fry in my bag of frozen curly fries, so I put it in a Ziplock bag, wrpte a letter to the company about my disappointment, sent them both out, and got an apology letter and coupon in response.

I used to do my French speeches high in 10th grade. When I took French years later I'd flirt with my pedophilic teacher to gain his trust then I'd cheat on all his tests. When I was 8 or so, my cousins and brother and I invited the neighborhood mentally challenged boy over, tied him to a tree, and left him there. (wait guys...was he really retarded? or just stupid?)

I used to go pick up Dunkin Donuts' leftovers at closing time and bring dozens of them to the homeless people at Lake Eola. At my last job I got sick of being there and just got up and walked out in the middle of the day after working there for eight months (...yet I've never been fired...)

One time I went to New York City, snapped into immature bitch mode, suddenly left the person I was staying with, and wandered the city aimlessly alone before befriending a gutter punk and his pet rat. I chose to abandon him when he emptied his bag and many knives poured out. Then I went to the Carson Daly Show alone then got a room at a hostel with European people.

I used to wear giant sunglasses around town just to make people laugh. Last month I stole underwear just because I wanted to know what it felt like to steal something.

Damn, I can be a real asshole.

What's the point of me writing the random stuff? The point is that I've never met anyone quite like me. People think I'm crazy. I wonder if my match is out there somewhere or if I'll be eternally alone. It'd be fun to have a partner in crime to just up and go to Australia with one day and skydiving the next. That's all I ask for. And a little honesty and respect too...

If you want me to do something then tell me I can't or I'm not allowed. That's sometimes my drive. I hate when people give me advice that I don't ask for. Thanks but no thanks.

*Think what you want about me, but just because I'm witty and a sexual person doesn't necessarily mean I'm a dumb whore. And like they say...good press/bad press... as long as I'm important enough to be mentioned, I'm flattered!*

**********

Friday, August 05, 2005

D.I.L.F. ???????????????????
Current mood: amused


I fucking love you Kristi, my sister in chodes and clogging. You're fucking awesome and so is Tampa. I've spent so much time in Tampa/St Pete through the years and always have soo much fun that I really ought to fucking live there. Orlando sucks!!

As Kermit the Frog once said, "Moving right along..."

Soo last night was a fucking trip. We went to Kristi's friend's bar in Ybor with intentions of having "a drink" before we went to eat. At first it was pretty chill. Kristi was getting hit on by the Irishman who kept calling her "cheeky" and I called him a "cheeky monkey" just because I heard Mike Meyers say it on SNL... Ha. And I was desperately trying to fake interest in the nonsensical words that poured out of the ugly, douchebag's mouth to the right of me. Nice guy but dumb as fuck and not even attractive enough for me to pretend I think he's smart. He did offer me a job though...too bad it was shit sales.

Then, there we were just minding our own business when what happens? The large, jolly, older, businessman in the pink shirt (yeah, folks...balls...) decides to buy a round of shots for everyone at the bar. Then one turned to two which turned to three which turned into more drinks... so we ended up befriending his entire posse of older, partying, rich men all night.

I didn't catch any names, except "Steve" who loved my Dirty Deeds shirt so much that he felt it necessary to compliment me while handing me $20. Of course I pocketed it. I was thrilled because I'm so used to hanging out with fellow poor people. The way these dudes were just flashing $20s, $50s, and $100s was insane!!

So in the mean time, a goofy looking redhead with a bouffant resembling my father's, sits down and flirts with me. Ew. Enough said there. Then there was the best one...

He truly introduced himself as, "A DILF: Dad I'd Like to Fuck." Priceless. He was sorta cute I guess but... He was 38 years old!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, that'd be the one who desperately wanted to bang me. Did he actually think I'd do a 38 yr old?? Don't get me wrong, I love the 30 year olds...but once we start approaching 40 we're getting a little too close to the dad age. I digress...

So I end up hanging with him and asking if he was married which of course he replies yes to. Married. Kid. Mistress. I kept telling him, "The wife wouldn't approve of your fucking around." And I totally kept telling them all to go fuck eachother up the ass and have a circle jerk. They seemed shocked and told me I was "trouble." I've been hearing that a lot lately! But seriously...if you've never challenged a dude's manhood and confidence by making gay ass fucking jokes all night, you ought to try it. It's thrilling to watch them squirm and get all uncomfortable. I love it. Especially when they're like 40 haha... chodes.

So then they paid our huge bar tab and wanted to take us to dinner. Of course we went to the fancy Italian restaurant next door. I love how there was dim light and white linen everywhere and they were all dressed up yet we had jeans and flip-flops on haha...I had the best Bloody Mary of my life! And the 38 year old still wouldn't leave my side...

After our upscale dining experience we went back to the bar and drank some more... then they tried to go to the Castle with us but we told them to leave.

Interestingly enough, the fun began to dwindle at that point. We had been drinking since like 6 so of course by 12 I was tired. The Castle was cool. I got to meet Kristi's roommates who were nice and really pretty. And the blonde goth chick dancing was HOT, so I just watched her instead of drinking anymore. So, at around 1 we left... then...

We go out to the parking lot (that was free when we left my car) and there's my car...on the back of a tow truck, about to be taken away. I burst out laughing then asked for my car back. He said if I paid $47.50 I could have it and if I didn't have the money I'd have to let him tow it then pay $150!! Sooo I paid.

What a night. Never a dull moment in the world of Cucci. I swear. Haha

Alright already. I have nothing else for you creepy lurkers to read about me. Go shove your fist up your ass or something.

<3

**************

11-23-05

Is it just me or is it normal to go to sleep with clothes on and wake up in the middle night to abandon pants for comfort reasons?

Here's an idea. As much as I'd love to see Gabby the MILF get tore up on Bangbus... would it be too much to ask for a guy with a normal sized dick to do the damage?! I couldn't believe how small it was... all you members out there should check that out. It'll sure put a damper on fucking yourself... in the MILF section of course.

Straight boys with pink eye shadow who were doing it pre-pop-punk revival = acceptable.
Straight boys with pink eye shadow who didn't start wearing makeup until a couple months ago = ridiculously annoying.

Why does a Tofurky dinner cost $29.99?? The "turkey" is the size of a fucking Cornish hen. I'll never understand. By the way, the only reason I even know what a Cornish hen is would be because I'm half Greek... that's code for: my extended family stereotypically owns too many restaurants/diners.

I woke up at 6:34 today randomly and remembered to look up the vintage Motley Crue shirt I was watching on ebay. I notice some dude has dominated the auction and I have no chance of winning. So I go through his bid history to get an idea of how much he's put his high bid up to... I notice the guy has paid out hundreds of dollars in the past week for sports memorabilia. Needless to say, he's probably going to win. But then I was thinking... is this guy's hobby to sit on the Internet and buy things? It must be nice to have that much money.

Is it just me or are most boys who have cats a tad weird? No offense, Joe.

The best thing about being an insomniac is the History Channel. When else would you find the time to enjoy the history of radio? Ah... love it. Modern Marvels is awesome. They keep talking about how radio shows were so cool because of the fact that the audience could use their imaginations so much. (Of course, this is why I like to read books...) Aww, it kind of makes me wish I had been born during that time. Of course, had that been the case, I'd swiftly be approaching death... so forget it.

"Radio is not so much invented than plucked from the air." Ha...I love that quote.

Oh great now Legends of the Northwest is on. Fuck this. Not interested.

If I were to wear one of those "If you can read this the bitch fell off" biker shirts, would I look butch? I think it'd be hilarious and I'd love to pick one up the next time I'm at the flea market. However, the last thing I want to be known as is a carpet muncher...

Speaking of bikers, I saw a commercial for Harley-Davidson of Orlando and it said they will teach you how to ride. Do you think that means you must buy a bike? I want to learn... despite the fact that it may look a bit butch... personally, I think that the idea of straddling a large vibrating vehicle is strangely attractive. And I think if I was a dude I'd appreciate a straight broad that would find it so... yet my guy friends keep telling me not to do it...


**********

11-30-05

subject: things that make you go hmmm...

Today Joe informed me it's DOG the bounty hunter...not DONG. I was misinformed somewhere along the way... personally, I like DONG.

Do you know how stressful unemployment is?? I didn't leave my apartment at all the other day! And all I did was sit on the futon and eat Tostitos. I really need to get my act together here...I'm glad I still think it's so fucking funny.

Does anyone else get all excited when you notice you're in yet another person's top 8??? I do...especially when it's someone you've only hung out with minimally or haven't talked to in a long time!!! When I randomly go to profiles I haven't been to in a while and notice my smiling face (or trashy cleavage...whichever happens to be the main photo of the moment) looking back at me I get such a great feeling. So thanks to those of you who love me that much. I do appreciate it!! <3 xoxo As you can see, I tend to reserve my top 8 more for humorous purposes but perhaps one day I'll add you to mine!

I'm seriously obsessed with ellipses! In all the years I've been writing the problem is only getting worse...ha...Grammar police: save me!

I woke up this morning surrounded by vomit. My first thought was, I'll be damned! I puked up my tofu while I was sleeping! Then of course I realized it was my four-legged friend. Apparently wine and Tostitos aren't as good for dogs as they are for people.

I learned a go-go dancer tip: wear more than one bra so your boobs look bigger/better cleavage! Gentleman, it works! I love it! On a side note, if any of you are planning on hooking up with me in the future (with my consent of course), be warned that you'll have to battle with multiple bras.

"Shilo" by Neil Diamond is my favorite song of the week. Ohhh man...I just love it. Don't you?? My Neil Diamond obsession from about a year ago has had its revival for the past three weeks. Why am I telling you this?
My grandma used to get Neil Diamond and Neil Young confused. She'd accidentally purchase the Young cds. Ah... I love that story.

I really think I should be in a Coke ad. If any lurkers out there work for modeling agencies, can you hook me up please?

Have you ever read the explications of "American Pie" (the song kids, not the pie fucking movie)? I have. Has Don McLean validated any of these?? I wonder...
That always perplexed me in high school. I had a Dual Credit English class in which we had to listen to the dwarf teacher with exceptionally large breasts who fucked students (I digress) tell us a line by line explication of MacBeth. English degree or not, did Shakespeare ever tell you exactly what he was talking about, Miss Immoral Teacher?? I think not. How do we know what the hell he meant!

As much as I'd love to waste another entire day sitting on my ass I need to get up and look for a job or something.

Later penetrators.


*********

11-12-05

There ought to be "I Love Christmas Carols Anonymous" for those of us who listen to them year-round.

I'm going blind in my left eye. If you start seeing me around town sporting the pirate look, now you know why. I really hope I don't lose my vision... how would I pick apart everyone I encounter each day? Woe is I.

We're out of dish soap. I have to wash the dishes with dishwasher detergent. Does this even work?! Scratch that...after doing a bunch of the dishes (that have sat there for a week) with it last night I decided to go read the back of the label just after I wrote that. It specifically says not for hand dishwashing and that it has bleach and other chemicals in it. Oops.

On my way out to the Mexican (or Cuban...whatever...) place last night I quickly ran to my nightstand to spray some perfume on me... except I picked up hairspray instead. Good thing I realized what I was doing after the first spray.

I still like that restaurant and all (the Mexi-Cuban one) but all I have to say is that I concluded some new things.
Call me uncultured, but the music and decor always make me think I'm at
EPCOT.
The Mojitos aren't always heavenly...unless of course you pour additional sugar in
them.
Some of the food I've tried is simply unidentified chunks swimming in refried
beans and covered in a tortilla...and then we ask ourselves... is it
REALLY necessary to serve those plates with sides of refried beans?!
There's some indentured servitude going on there.
And you probably think I'm an asshole now. Grrrreat.

There's something about being forced to shrink wrap penis pumps and various lubes for hours amongst women with 'staches and/or no teeth that leads a gal like myself to believe I ought to stop playing the "settle" game and go back to having aspirations... I shit you not. The porn job just isn't going to workout. I feel like I was lied to by one certain overweight, Pacific Islander, regarding the management and warehouse parts of the job description. Fuck him. My mom said, "Mary, you're too good for that job. You need to not show up tomorrow. You shouldn't be there. You don't belong." When my mom tells me to not show up to a job that's definitely a rarity.

...so I believe I'm up to about 27 jobs now. I'm going for a record here.

Remember how I've told you people that upon quitting my medical credentialing job I told the HR lady that it was a joke, I was bored out of my mind, and monkeys could be trained to do it? ...well, my friend Kirk still works there and I told him that story the day it happened. And now whenever we hang out he always gives me a banana. Funny, huh?


************

2-3-06

Ah. I love Lake Eola. It’s my favorite spot in Orlando… well, not counting being in bed with a hot guy of course… that’s even better. Ha. You love it.

I’ve been craving cigarettes lately. How weird is this for me? I never smoked that long and I was never even addicted…

I can’t breathe out of my left nostril. I’ve taken like ten squirts of nasal spray already. I’m surprised I have no nose bleed yet. I think I’m overdoing the spray. Why do I enjoy snorting things so much? …memmmmories….of the time I was so fucked up that I snorted a line of ants… haha… I’m such a fuckin’ train wreck. Yes, I think it’s funny.

Is that man with the question marks on his jacket still around? I could really use his financial advice. I used to own his book but I threw it away one day. Actually… perhaps I just need to stick out a job and I’ll be ok.

My acne is gone! I realized it must’ve been the stupid blush I started to use. Who gives a fuck about blush anyway? I’m so glad I’m back to my cute self. I was really starting to think all the years of making fun of crater faced kids had come back to haunt me. Nope! False alarm!

So many people don’t understand me. I ‘m always so thankful to know that there are some great friends of mine that do though. People just think we’re so fucked up. I swear.

Thankfully I now work at an Advertising firm and I made good use of the sample brochure they gave me. It’s on this expensive looking, glossy paper… and I ran out of colored ink when I was printing out business cards for ebay clients…sooo I cut up the brochure and used the blank parts to make my colored business cards.

I’m giving away free gifts now with every ebay and/or t-shirt order. I know I always liked getting free stuff so I’m going to give others the thrill of freebies. It’s my way of saying fuck the system. You know… because so many corporations are so fucking stingy… ANYway… I cracked myself up with the gifts I’ve been sending. I bag them nicely with my fancy business cards… here are some thus far… two packs of gum, a free tits t-shirt, a purse, a ninja turtle that bella chewed the sole of, and my dirty underwear. Haha. Just kidding on that last one. But how funny and gross would that be?! …nah, I wouldn’t do it. Ew.

Melissa and I were supposed to have dates by Valentines Day. Oh well. Not happening for me. That’s for sure.

It took me almost two hours to get home from work today. Talk about testing my patience.

Doesn’t it annoy you when you are better at proofreading than your boss is?

I can’t wait to get more tattoos!!!!!!!!! Yay!!! Fuck paying my bills. Bills, schmills… ooh that reminds me of pills… there are painkillers in the kitchen. I’ve never taken one in my life! I’m going to steal some tomorrow though.

Ah… certain people just make me smile. He’s so amazing.

Does anyone know an otolaryngologist who would help me for free??? I think there’s a wax build up in my left ear and I’m going deaf. I couldn’t even hear Leroy on the phone before when I was consolidating my loans and making him laugh. Yes! That was his name! How incredibly humorous, right Joe? I’d rather be dead than live without music. Buuut I don’t have the money to go to a fucking doctor…actually… I hate doctors anyway. But this is serious. Music!! Help!!

I’m now in the economic forbearance phase of loan repayment. And I think some of my other bills are due this week but I’m playing the “if I don’t see it, I don’t know about it” game… thank “god” for online billing statements so I no longer have to be reminded of my debt like I did when bills flooded the mailbox.

I know a few people who never have to work because they get money from their relatives. Fucking amazing, man. I think that’s what I’m cut out for because I just dislike working for other people. Especially when you are smarter than your boss(es). I need to be self-employed. I think I’m starting to focus on this realization though.

I really thought Chris didn’t like me anymore but then I realized that he doesn’t hate me as much as I thought. Ha. Why do I think people hate me sometimes?! And he’s my own brother…

I had a bit of a cold. Then I started to feel better but was quite tired at work… sooo I spent my hour lunch at Centennial Park just looking at the water and reading my lifetime subscription of Rolling Stone… get to the point, Mary… then I decided to have a diet rockstar and some caffeine pills to wake me up. Not only did I feel more tired afterwards, but I also felt sicker. Then I read about how caffeine is bad for you when you’re sick. Um. Obviously. I fucking knew this. I’m so stupid. Then after I read that I had a diet rite. (Poor people’s Coke… no, not that kind… that would be nasal spray and caffeine pills)

Man… I want some drugs.

And then she took four squirts of nasal spray, three Tylenol pm, and went to bed.

Happy jerking off!

And goodnight!

<3 xoxo


*********

ok well those were all the blogs from the one folder i found on my computer. where are all the rest? fuck me in the back pussy. i cant find them right now. im trying to compile them for the book im going to write. whatever. i guess i could write new ones. now fuck off.

oh

aaaaaaand an old poem that is quite serious...interestingly enough, the person who i wrote this about probably has NO fucking idea i ever felt this way about him and i'm too proud to ever even mention it. tee hee. xo

Blue

You took me under your wing
protected beneath six strings
and drove me out to the place
where bright lights painted the city.

The expression on your face
left questions rushing through
the murky canal of my curious mind.

Your mysterious eyes,
once dim, began to shine
and it was then I began to realize
why you act the way you do...

standing so strong before the world
like a mountain on a landscape
of flat, open plains.

Blue. You're blue. So bold? So strong?
Calm and confident? Or is this wrong?
Blue. You're blue. Hurt. Scarred.
A bird flying solo in the sky
amongst flickering stars.

Later that night
you distanced yourself
and once again led me to wonder, to believe
that you were like the tree
too tall for me to clumb,
having the most beautiful leaves, but
branches enveloped in vines.

This is how I saw you
after we had talked
and spent time together
on that cool, winter day.

Your kindness warmed me
while giving me hope
that my future will include
a person as mysteriously charming as you.

Blue. You're blue. So bold? So strong?
Calm and confident? Or is this wrong?
Blue. You're blue. Hurt. Scarred.
A bird flying solo in the sky
amongst flickering stars.
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